A walk
                          with Ellevie



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My Decades long struggle with

Repressed Memories
 


I learned something about myself by observing war veterans, specially WW11 veterans and holocaust survivors.  I call that era the silent survivors.  For decades they spoke to no one about the atrocities of wars and when asked about it fifty years later, the old men cried.  Much like the proud Holocaust survivors, the war veterans could not speak about the cruelties they witnessed or were subjected to – even fifty or seventy years after the war. 


It was October 1942 at the age of seven that I was dragged into a war.  It was not a real war but the aftershock was the same.  I did not volunteer for this war.  I could not fight back and I was warned not to tell anyone.  I did not tell anyone because I was much too afraid.  I lived in terror for years and I had no one to speak to and no one spoke to me about it either.  I was too young to make decisions about my life and I was unable to escape.  I was only seven years old and too young to deal with it rationally. 


After their war, veterans went home to their families.  They went back to work and resumed their social life.  They did not speak of the episodes and soon they learned to push the memories away.  They worked hard and many numbed their memories with the use of drugs and alcohol.


I did not have drugs or alcohol to numb my fear and push the memories away.  I could not go home because I was home.  I was only seven years old and I had no one to speak to.  How does a child survive severe trauma?  I did the best I could and I learned to use the only tool I possessed to survive:   I used my mind to run away from the memories and the fear.   I ran away from the seven year old girl and abandoned her not once but twice.   In my mind, the seven year old died and I was convinced of that because I had seen her body.  I was too young to know better.  I paid for the rest of my life for these decisions.  Thirty-three years of my life were spent running away from those memories.  The rest of my life was devoted to repair the damage caused by repressed memories and to learn to handle post traumatic stress without it taking me down.  

Fifty years after the war when asked to speak of their war experiences, the old war veterans cried.  Even sixty years after the war, they cried. 

I did not feel so alone.
 

Bar
Look for my book  "Ellevie"  
A true story  
of Repressed Memories

By Marcelle E. Guy
and Co-Author G.S. Payne 


Now available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or wherever books are sold. 
If your favotite bookstore does not have ask them to order it.


Shadow

Bookmark

Passage from my book Ellevie          
 

    My recovery was a long road. But in time, I was able to tear down, ever so gradually, the fortress that had protected the child abandoned so many years ago. And I was able to do so without having to entertain a therapist with the humiliating game-playing so often described in books by psychiatrists and psychologists.

    The task was often overwhelming, often dispiriting. But I never gave up and somehow I always knew that I would make it. What puzzles me most is that, if I was able to confront my nightmare past and learn to care for myself while at the same time being fully employed, earning management awards, serving on the boards of community organizations, and actively participating in local politics, involving myself with human and animal rights issues – if I could do all that, why couldn’t the professionals who study the human mind fulltime understand my struggle and see there are other ways to deal with such challenges besides drugging one into unconsciousness?

    When I think back to my forced stay at Ross Valley, I shudder.

BookBook

June 1, 2014

Brian Copeland, a well-known writer, actor, comedian, and radio / TV talk show host, (KGO Radio for one in San Francisco), came out last week and spoke about his bouts with depression.  It was one of the most courageous programs and his switchboard was lit with callers during the whole show.  Brian was finally inspired to speak up after this last mass shooting in Santa Barbara on May 23, 2014. 

I waited till after retiring before writing my book.  I was not battling depression but I had repressed memories from childhood trauma that trigged multiple personality disorder which is considered a mental illness according to the psychiatrist diagnostic bible.  For several decades I worked and tried to understand what I was going through.  Psychiatrists did not have much to offer other than drugs.

I decided to write my life story mostly for educational purpose.  It was after the mass shooting in the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, on July 2012 that I decided I needed to write my story.  Then, came Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Connecticut. 

I hope Brian Copeland continues to speak up.  It takes courage but it is the right thing to do. 

I tried to tell my story many times before but no one heard or had time to listen.  I was very fortunate to have found co-author Jerry Payne who patiently listened to me, helped me sort out forty years of writings thrown in boxes without any kind of order. 

We worked together two years and “Ellevie”, I am very proud to say, is completed, and is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble or wherever books are sold.

Thank you for listening.
Please read my book to understand the human mind.





Bar

          



Evie


Book

Ellevie
now available
at Amazon and Barnes & Noble




my shoes




Rose




Flag
fleur de lys
Afghan Hound
Healer of the soul
Ellevie
The Book
Repressed Memories
Amnesia
Ellevie







Ellevie



Ellevie







No part of this site may be copied, stored into a  retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.
© Marcelle Evie Guy 2015

Disclaimer:  This site is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. 
To contact this author: e-mail





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Artwork©http://www.rassouli.com/







The story at

Petaluma Sandalwood Estates 


Peace on Earth

New website:  MarcelleGuy.com

New book coming up 2014:  "Ellevie"





feral cat runningPetaluma Feral Cats


Police dogTribute to Max
                        a Petaluma Police K-9 


A Little Tabby
speaks for the feral cats of the world
A full chapter dedicated to feral cat
in "Ellevie"

In Memory of these Wonderful Dogs
Sheba, Afghan Hound

The Afghan Hound

The King of Dogs

Two full chapters dedicated to
my Afghan hounds in "Ellevie"





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This is a personal website and the information published and opinions expressed are those of  the webmaster and provided by Elle on the Web for your personal use.  Content subject to change without notice. 
© Marcelle Guy 2015

No part of this site may be copied, stored into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.      Contact  C